The Real Me

March 2013

June 2013

January 2015

The mirror, where I spent numerous hours matching the hair color of my youth. I spotted my first gray hair at 16, and promptly pulled each one out with zealous effort until I was 22. I couldn’t rely on pulling anymore out for risk of having bald spots. I relented. Hair dye became more important than makeup.

Twenty-four years later, I am in front of the mirror for the millionth time inspecting the skunk stripe down the center part. Dyeing my hair every three weeks isn’t good enough anymore. I found something new, a supplement, a temporary fix – spray on color to hide the white roots. Only lasting until the next shampoo, my hair focus is now daily. Inspect, spray, wash, repeat, along with permanent dye every few weeks. On and on and on the maintenance goes.

The week after my 46th birthday, in front of the mirror again, I was armed with the little spray can of deep brown. In that moment, God asked me “Why? Why do you feel the need to do this? Be who I created you to be. Trust me. It will be stunning.”

“What? Let my hair go gray?” I said with great anxiety. I knew I had to despite my immense discomfort. How am I going to get through this? What will people say? What will my husband say? He married a brunette for goodness sake.

I walk out of the bathroom to dive into discussions with my husband, Greg. We’d been married a little over a year.
“God is telling me to let my hair go gray,” I said.
He pondered…deeply, with furrowed brow. “How will you do that? Please don’t shave your head.”
“I promise! I won’t shave my head,” I answered.
More discussions ensued of the dramatic change to come, the leading by God, the uncomfortable feelings within both of us, the worry over the dramatic change, and finally, the resolve to go through with it.

I called and made an appointment with my hair dresser, Kris, and she developed a plan – I would go blonde temporarily to allow the white to creep in virtually unnoticed.  Kris  put in highlights and cut my hair. I was on my way to the real me – scary. I was blonde. Quite shocking.

A year later, with several haircuts, my blondness was almost gone. What was left? Lucky white, according to Kris.  I liked it and my husband liked it. Then it started happening. People I didn’t know would approach me in the store, on the street, while traveling and say, “Your hair is beautiful.” or “I like your natural hair color” but best of all, “Your hair is stunning.” My response is always “Thank you. God did it.”

The real me – the me God made – is always and I mean always more stunning than I could ever imagine! Only through Christ do I see a glimpse of who He made me to be. I am a work in progress and I continue to trust in Him to change me, even when it’s scary and uncomfortable.

NOTE: If you choose to go back to your natural hair color after years of dying it, find a reputable hair stylist who is trained, licensed and will help you transition with the healthiest possible products. Never use the store bought blonde, whitening kits to do it yourself – it will damage your hair terribly. Best of luck to all who decide to go natural.