I write, and write, and write. One of the many pieces of sound advice from my writer’s community has been, “Write for your audience”. In my first book, Finding My Damascus, my audience is those who suffered from abuse and are searching to find who God created them to be. It’s not for everyone to read, especially the first chapter, which delves into several decades of unhealthy decisions and life choices. Then I cried out to God and my life began to change. Currently, I am working on book two, Tending The Beloved, a combination of book and study guide to help those looking for health and wellness in mind, body, and spirit.
Recently, I have not been able to focus on the next book – hard to when the pain is chronic and daily. There were difficult decisions to make over the care of my body, the best path to control my Rheumatoid Disease, and how to manage my life going forward. Have I been praying? Yes! I pray for healing, for relief, for the medicine to work, for the doctors to provide support and answers, to maintain my daily life so I can earn a living, to be a fully functioning human being as a wife, a friend, a writer, a neighbor. But what if all those prayers go unanswered?
When prayers go answered, my faith gets rattled, life gets so heavy and difficult, it is hard to have hope. My hope must always be in the One Who shows up at my lowest, the only One who heals my hurts from the past, the Savior Who stands by me even when I have no hope left. Jesus is able to heal me whenever He wants, but what if the answer is “I need you to go through this. This is part of My plan for your life.” That is the hardest pill to swallow. I think of this and I cry, then I get mad, and finally, I trust in God. I allow my emotions to run their gamut and settle into acceptance and trust.
My audience, then, becomes those dealing with chronic disease and pain, whose prayers have gone unanswered, who continue to deal with the daily tasks, the medicines, the regimen to keep the mind, body, and spirit healthy. These are the people who understand disappointment, deterioration, and disease. We need a reminder that God has a plan, His plan is perfect, and He is not asking us to do any more than what He asked Jesus to do for us at the Cross. This gives me courage and hope. The idea Jesus knew pain, He could have it stop at any moment, but knew God’s plan was perfect and followed through.
So I will write and write and write, for my audience – those who need encouragement to keep going, who don’t understand unanswered prayers, who find the pain so distracting that caring for the mind, body, and spirit is unfathomable. I write for you, for me, for those who will face a diagnosis in the future, and for the loved ones who see the suffering and stand ready to support. I will trust in Him, hope in Him, live in Him regardless of the pain, and I will write about it.